BREAKING NEWS for Apple Watch Series 8: No Redesign, No Flat Sides, No FUN

Well, this is the worst.
Image by Apple

Awesome. My dreams are DEAD. Everything I thought was super cool turns out to be dumb and awful. Meh, let’s check out the news I guess.

We just got a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad leak from the fishiest of Apple leakers – ShrimpApplePro. Get it? Fishy because shrimp. Okay.

So these leaks are wholly referring to the base models of Series 8. That means no “Explorer” or “Pro” or “Fancy Edition”. With that said, let’s move forward into the depresso:

THERE’S THE PAIN. No design improvements. No flat sides. No fun. No new sensors that Shrimp’s source saw either. That means if we’re getting a body temperature monitor at all it’s going to be “Pro” models only. I guess we also have some colors in the leak, weeeeeee

Looks like for Apple Watch Series 8 with aluminum casings we’re getting:

  • Midnight
  • Starlight
  • Silver
  • Product RED

As for Apple Watch Series 8 in stainless steel:

  • Silver
  • Graphite

Cool. Sorry, I’m still upsettispaghetti about the lack of fun, exciting, new design changes. We actually have a live, in person quote from Jon Prosser, famous host of Front Page Tech proper, regarding the leak. He went on record saying:

I hate.

Jon Prosser

There’s a bit more from Shrimp in this leak:

[Correction] Shrimp says the boxes* for Apple Watch Series 8 will have a stronger sealant glue to them making the boxes impossible to reseal, meaning the act of first opening a Series 8 box will mark it permanently. So hopefully resellers will be unable to pass used models along as brand new.

We also have word that mass production for Series 8 is slated for late August, and so far Apple isn’t facing any delays. Silver linings, friends, silver linings.

Welp. My day is ruined and my disappointment is immeasurable.

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