THIS LEAK WAS CORRECT — Updated May 13, 2021
In the last article that proclaimed Apple’s first event of the year to be slated for March 23rd, back when Jon Prosser’s eyebrows (and dignity) were safe, I gave a brief rundown of everything we could expect at the Spring Event. That has not changed. We can still expect the same rumored AirTags, Apple TV, iPad Pro, and along with iPad Pro we’ll get an updated Magic Keyboard, though the changes to the accessory will be minor. There is also a rumored iPad mini that will look like the newer version of the iPad Air (4th gen) released towards the end of the year. If you want more in-depth material about all of those, you’re barking up the wrong monkey’s ass. Head over to those basic bitches other news outlets for some nerdgasm level type of coverage on that shit in particular.
Now, before I continue with this article, I want to start by saying that since we are all new here (welcome btw!), just so you know, my articles will always be objective, coherent, articulate, intelligent, insightful, and the like…but this one happens to be about MY FIANCÉ WHO BET HIS FUCKIN EYEBROWS ON AN APPLE EVENT DATE HE HAD NO BUSINESS BETTING ON. Let me reel this back in some. The reason I say he had no business betting on the date of March 23rd is because he had the CORRECT month of the Apple Event for (and I quote him here) “an embarrassing amount of time”. Wednesday, February 24th, to be exact. That is the date he was given the CORRECT month of the very first Apple Event of 2021.
Listen, don’t get me wrong, I understand why it might have been a smidge implausible. The only other apple event EVER in April was back in 2010 when Apple announced iOS 4. That coupled with other top Apple leakers agreeing with that date was apparently enough for my mans to grow a swaggering set of balls and bet not one, but TWO eyebrows that will never grow back the same.
It begs the question on whether or not Apple was in fact orchestrating a leaker fail of this magnitude. Wether they had anything to do with it or not, it definitely solidifies and reminds us of the fact that leaks are just that, leaks. Not confirmations nor Nostradamus moments and that no matter how crazy and competitive the world of Apple leakers may get, absolutely not NOBODY is safe. Double negatives are my thing, sorry.
Now for the silver lining, although it’s looking like Prosser will wait until the very last second on March 23rd to shave his eyebrows, it will not have been in vain. Do not be completely ashamed of our #toiletsquad leader as all proceeds of that episode will go to an outstanding cause. Wigs for Kids is a nonprofit organization whose mission is: “Helping Children Look Themselves and Live Their Lives!”. When Jon first told me about this idea, my dumbass thought his dumbass wanted to donate his eyebrow hair to the children. I didn’t want to be the one to tell him that nobody wanted his sad mistaken eyebrows but I stood corrected as he explained how we could make something good come from all of this.
If you would like to unite as the magnificent toilet squadron you all are, here is the link to donate and make daddy proud.
Let’s just hope we learned something from this and let’s all take a page from Prosser’s book, the book of “Browless Idiots.”
**Update: Here you go. The deed is done.
